Married to Medicine. Why Medicine Is A Jealous Lover?

There is a saying that "medicine is a jealous lover", the journey in this field takes you away from your lovers, friends, family and life in general. When you date someone in this field you are also dating their career choice. In order to have a fulfilling relationship you need a lot of compromise, communication and planning. This can be a rough or smooth journey depending on what you make of it, if one person isn't on board it will become a tough ride for the two.

Sometimes you are required to give your everything to work, with nothing left to give to a family and partner. The money and prestige is great in the beginning but that wears off very soon. It not for the faint of heart, you can date like everyone else but it would be helpful to find someone who is capable of enjoying life when you aren't around and is capable of being independent. Some stressors are like a strong wave that comes and goes, but occasionally there are tsunamis when both partners are exhausted, and some lasts because they get used to the expected. 

A lot of doctor-doctor relationship are seen to be the ones that leave the partners feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. Sure it great to have someone who understands you and the pressures of endless exams and expectations, but when both parties have the same stressors and workload to take on the relationship strains and falls apart.

You can make relationships with someone in this field work. It's going to take work, but don't any relationship?

Med School

If your dating someone in the start of their journey which is during the first two years of med school then you can expect a lot of studying but you get to spend time with each other although it is an intensive academic period of their life. Third and fourth year is a lot of travelling, so expect to be seeing less of each other. Some schools are very family friendly and so are some residency programs, there are clubs and support groups for the spouse of medical students in some places.


Your overall lifestyle would really depend on what speciality they choose, if they go into a field like psychiatry the hours aren't as demanding and you can expect to have occasional calls but very typical 9-5 lifestyle  compared to something like surgery. Your lifestyle is solely dependent on your speciality.

For Women who wants a family have a lot to think about

For women this field needs a lot of thought before embarking on this journey. A lot of female physicians end up getting burned out while trying to handle motherhood/married life and a very demanding career. Some even believe having children to be an obstacle to their career advancement. For career oriented women who don't mind missing out on the years of having kids, raising them or those who don't want to put their career on hold this field provides ample opportunities for growth and advancement. By the time you reach residency you are already leaving a lot of your youth behind since they are already in their late 20s, and taking on increasing fertility risks with advanced age.

Another alternative is to have a family if you choose but be ready to find a man who will not shy away from being a housedad. In US at least structures are not in place to help men take on this role and a lot societal structures avoid men from taking on such roles. But if you want a family or can find a spouse who can put his family before his career then you're all set. 

For those who don't care for family. You're free from a lot of the above mentioned problems, you can instead just enjoy you career trajectory and enjoy the financial rewards of the career.

Leave a comment

All comments are moderated before being published